why?

i was supposed to turn left when i headed out my apartment building today.

but then something happened and unwillingly, i made a right turn instead.

as i wandered along the sidewalk, i noticed a brown bird, a cuckoo maybe, squatting by the side of the road. traffic was busy, so i tried to shh it off, yet it didn't fly away. i dunno if it's sick or hurt, it just stayed there.

i wanted to carry it away so badly, but a fence was built along the sidewalk and i couldn't get over to the other side, so i said to the little fella, "hey! fly away! quick! cars are coming! be safe..." and then took off, wishing in my heart that it would listen to me.

buses passed by. cars and motorcycles rushed on. i got worried, so i turned my head to check on the little bird, and saw it walking really slowly towards the middle of the busy road. my first instinct was to run back to the spot, but the next second, the most horrid thing happened. a cab drove by and ran over the bird......

i just stood there. tears running out of my eyes.

and there was nothing i could do.

how i wish i didn't turn my head around. how i wish i hadn't noticed this bird by the side of the road. how i wish i had turned left instead of right ten minutes earlier. how i wish my day had started with a little more sunshine than this dreadful dull sky. how i wish there was something i could do to help. how i wish......

now i truly know how it feels like to be completely helpless. and i absolutely hate it.

why? why do i have to witness this? is this supposed to mean something? i just don't understand. i don't understand at all.